Now THAT'S a bribe.

This is the little book full of fun and colorful post its as well as the chocolate covered sunflower seeds that the Office Max sales rep brought me today, along with a carton of apology paper. He called yesterday to make sure we received our one ream of apology paper. I assured him that we did, and informed him of the ironically haggard condition it arrived in. He asked "So did that ream make up for the paper that arrived torn?" When I didn't answer he said "I guess not, since it arrived torn."

Ding ding ding! I told him we wouldn't be ordering from them again.

So today he pulled out all the stops. Not only did he bring a full carton of apology paper (10 reams!) he also brought me these bribes. I don't know what it is about a little book of colored post its, but it's really working its magic. I'm thinking I'll order paper from them one more time since he's assured me this was a fluke and it will never happen again. If it does happen again though, it's 2 strikes you're out and no amount of chocolate covered sunflower seeds will make me change my mind.

I'm a little afraid of the dentist.

Yesterday I went to the dentist for a cleaning. A cleaning is fine. A cleaning I can handle. Next week, however, I have to go back to get a couple of cavities filled (does anyone know what an aclusal is? I don't either, but they said it a lot). I also have a cracked tooth that they're putting a crown on. Does anyone know how much it costs to get a porcelain crown? A LOT. Monetary concerns aside, let me tell you all the other reasons I hate going to the dentist.

1. They always try to convince me I should floss more.

2. They stick needles in my gums. Big needles.

3. These needles may deaden the nerve, but they can't stop me from hearing that drill.

4. Pressure. Pressure hurts.

5. The smell of bone and enamel being ground into powder. There is nothing worse.

6. Ground bone and enamel flying into my eye. This has never actually happened to me, but I'm sure it has happened to someone out there and that it was horrible.

Today my credit card was denied for the first time in my life.

I didn't get a credit card until just before I was married. I've always been pretty responsible with money, and I'm not a big spender, so it wasn't that I was worried about credit card debt. I had a debit card, and it seemed like that was all I needed. This became a bit of a problem when Col and I met with our mortgage broker to buy a house. I didn't have bad credit, I had no credit. They wanted 3 lines of credit going back 3 years, and I didn't even have one.

Now I have several credit cards. My very first Visa that I don't use anymore, one that builds miles ("What's in your wallet?!"), one that we have to have because it's the only one Costco accepts and a couple of others. We're talking about an unnecessarily fat wallet if we add to these the debit cards I no longer use because we only use the Capital One, hoping that in about 10 years we'll earn a one-way flight.

And with all these credit cards, and all this great credit building up I've never had a credit card rejected. Until today.

Col, before you get any more anxious and possibly have an accident, know that it was a business card. This won't be the last time it's ever maxed out.

Comment moderation disabled.

It appears as though the spambots have given up on me, so I have turned off comment moderation until such time as they start pelting me with ads again. Thank you for your patience through this difficult time. If we all stand together, we will one day be free from this tyranny.

Thank you.

*Paid for by the Aubrey For a Better Future campaign.

I'll give you a dollar if you solve this story problem.

So today a friend forwarded me one of "those" emails - the ones that are usually prefaced with "Sorry - I don't usually send these, but I thought this one was really nice". Don't worry, I won't forward it on to any of you.

About halfway down the page was this:

Important Lesson - Always remember those who serve

In the days when an ice cream sundae cost much less, a 10-year-old boy entered a hotel coffee shop and sat at a table. A waitress put a glass of water in front of him.
"How much is an ice cream sundae?" he asked.
"Fifty cents," replied the waitress.
The little boy pulled his hand out of his pocket and studied the coins in it.
"Well, how much is a plain dish of ice cream?" he inquired.
By now more people were waiting for a table and the waitress was growing impatient.
"Thirty-five cents," she brusquely replied.
The little boy again counted his coins.
"I'll have the plain ice cream," he said.
The waitress brought the ice cream, put the bill on the table and walked away. The boy finished the ice cream and left. When the waitress came back, she began to cry as she wiped down the table. There, placed neatly on the bill, were two nickels and five pennies..
You see, he couldn't have the sundae, because he had to have enough left to leave her a tip.


Ok, hold up. Two nickels and five pennies makes fifteen cents right? So how is this kid paying for a thirty-five cent ice cream AND leaving a tip with two nickels and five pennies? Had he already paid and this fifteen cents was the tip? If so, why didn't they mention that? Maybe I'm missing something, and this is one of those story problems that always stumped me like "A train leaves Chicago at 5:00 p.m. and travels at a speed of 55 mph and another train leaves Boston at 2:00 p.m. and travels at a speed of 45 mph. What is the name of the train conductor?"

This coloring book not suitable for Addie, anyway.

Though this coloring book was made for children and is being marketed for children, I wouldn't agree that it is really suitable for kids. The pages are all original creations of professional artists, and though some of it is great (I especially liked pages 24 and 25) and very creative, it is full of political messages and humor that is clearly geared toward adults (especially pages 43 and 50). I would not suggest this for your little ones, just in case you were going to go out and spend top dollar to have them color in an artist's drawings.

Married to a driver's ed instructor.

Col thinks I am a scary driver, mainly because I drive too fast almost all the time. I get this from my mother, who can be seen in the passing lane of this picture:

Before Col started working as a driver's ed teacher he seldom commented on my driving besides the occasional gasp of fear. Now, whenever I'm driving I hear a constant, soothing 'there's no need to panic here' voice telling me "Whenever you're ready, just back off the car in front of you just a little" and "The posted speed limit is 65. Don't forget the 5 mile rule. 5 miles under, 5 miles over" and my favorite, "Now let's go ahead and get out of the car and put a note on the windshield of that car you just dinged."

Would someone please tell Col that just because I've been in several car accidents including a rollover that may or may not have been entirely my fault, plus the fact that I've had more than my share of speeding tickets does NOT mean that I am a bad driver.

Comment moderation is enabled.

I'm not really a fan of having to approve comments before they show up. Sure, it gives me a certain sense of power and that's always a treat, but I'm inherently lazy and would rather let them just show up. However, somehow my blog has been A-listed for advertisers and half the comments I get now say:

Great blog! Check out my site, I think you'll like it!
http://somethingsomething.com

So, in order to defy the spammers, I have to moderate the comments and reject them. These are the only comments I will delete. If you come here and post malicious libel such as... oh, say... "my kid is way smarter than yours", I won't even delete that. So feel free to comment, free from the heavy chains of sensorship. Unless you're a spambot ad. And then I will delete you.

When I was a kid, I hated green beans.

This little girl brought back some very vivid memories.



I love the end. "I'm never eating a green beans again!!"

For all intensive purposes.

I'm collecting common mispronunciations and misspellings. Let me know if you hear or see any good ones! This list contains a few that I hear and/or say all the time. Most of them I found here.

"Ghosts, for all intensive purposes, don't exist."
"I'm at your beckon call."
"Supposubly that theater is open now."
"Her opinions are very deep seeded."
"Let's take this out into the parking lot - mano a mano."
"Let me axe you a question."
"I'm going to nip that in the butt."
"Your point is mute."
"Don't pawn that off on me."
"He was lying prostate on the ground."
"If that's what you think, you've got another thing coming."
In response to "How are you?" either "I'm good, thanks" or "I don't feel so good."
"I would like my French dip with au jus, please". (“Au jus” means “with juice” so this literally would mean "I would like my French dip with with juice please").
Associates pronounced "Assoshiates".
Mahatma Gandhi spelled "Ghandi".
And of course, "nucular".

Jury Duty

Col received a summons in the mail today for jury duty that will be taking place later this month. We can only hope he's either rejected, or it's a short trial. I'm conflicted when it comes to serving jury duty. I recognize it is our responsibility as citizens, but I dread the schedule conflicts it will cause. We won't have our car back by then, so Col may need to take the Vespa. Yes, the Volvo is still in Salt Lake with the part we need on nationwide "we have no idea when or if it will ever come in" backorder. The scooter option would be great anywhere but Phoenix, as it's still a bit scorching out.

What if the summons is for the trial of one of the serial killers that were recently arrested here in Phoenix? That would be no quick trial. Somehow, though, I doubt that they're already far enough along with that case to be selecting a jury. It seems like it usually takes a year or longer before the high profile cases make it to court. Everyone cross their fingers that's not it.

Talk to Addie

"Research shows that babies whose parents speak to them extensively have significantly higher IQs and bigger vocabularies when they get older than other children, so interaction is especially important right now. Set a solid foundation by exposing your baby to a variety of words."

The entire article can be found here.

Promises, promises.

We have no video footage of Addie. Col has a nice digital video camera and on a few occasions I've excitedly shouted "Hey! You know what would be fun?! Let's get out the digital camera and record Addie." Without fail the reaction is "Nah. Maybe later."

Saturday I was adamant. I absolutely would not back down, let's get the camera out right now and get some video of the baby. Recognizing that I wasn't going to be appeased by the usual "maybe later", Col promised we'd get the camera out on Sunday. As you can probably guess, Sunday came and went and we still have no video footage of Addie.

Col, all I have to say is: "You got some 'splainin to do, Mister."

Sweet, sweet irony.

If they were trying to convince me that their paper would never arrive torn up again, their ONE ream of apology paper didn't quite cut it.

Thumb Sucker

Most people have no problem letting their babies suck their thumb or their fingers or their hands - they even encourage it and prefer it over a pacifier. Our pediatrician is one of these. At Addie's first appointment he noticed her frantic flailing and said "Here let me help you," and placed her little fist into her mouth.

Addie would suck on her hands and fingers all day every day if we let her. It's really cute, especially since she keeps her other fingers straight and they wiggle around and she pokes herself in the nose and eyes. Then she looks at us like "Who just poked me in the eye?!"

We're trying to ease her out of this habit by distracting her with toys and pacifiers. Why, you ask? It does seem a bit odd, since most people have no problem with kids sucking on their hands. Well, in our family one of us (I won't name any names) sucked their thumb until 2nd grade and I just don't wish that kind of humiliation on Addie. It's a hard habit to break and once you hit elementary school, thumb sucking isn't exactly the best way to make friends and influence people.

Hey Col!

Good news! I found your sunglasses.

I forgot my phone again. Will you bring it to me at noon? Thanks!

Office Minimum

Last week Office Max sent a representative to coax me into ordering office supplies from them. We're a pretty tough sale since we are very happy with Wist, a local company that is less expensive and has better service and brings me goodies and gives me baby presents.

I did agree to order paper from OM because it was significantly cheaper. As the saying I just made up goes "it's cheaper for a reason" and when the 6 boxes of paper arrived, several of the reams were damaged. The paper they were wrapped in was torn, and some of the sheets were bent or torn and had to be thrown away.

Today someone called to see how we like the paper and I told her about the damage and let her know that we wouldn't be ordering any more paper from them. She asked if the outside of the case had been damaged and when I told her I didn't notice any damage she started to treat me like I was making the whole thing up. She said she'd inform our sales rep, and about 10 minutes later I received a notice from the sales rep that they're sending us one ream of paper to make up for the damage. ONE ream of paper. Like for ONE ream of paper we'll keep ordering from them. Now, if they gave me all kinds of goodies and a baby present, that would be something. Maybe a $5 gift certificate to Bath & Body Works.... now THAT's a bribe!

The ream of paper will probably come damaged. But it won't matter, because unless it's colored paper clips and free pens, I'm not interested.

So my boss asked me to find someone who can work on her conversion van - the one with the cozy green velvet interior that I would seriously live in.

"RufRoad Brakes and Mufflers."

"Hello. Your website says you work on conversion vans, is that right?"

"Yes."

"Do you only work on brakes and mufflers, or can you fix other mechanical problems?"

"Yes."

"You can repair other problems with a conversion van?"

"Brakes and mufflers."

"Just brakes and mufflers?"

"Rufroad brakes and mufflers."

"Do you speak English?"

"No."

"Is there anyone there that speaks English?"

"No."

If you stare long enough at this image, you'll see a clipper ship.

Looking at this picture, we can draw several conclusions.

1. My camera phone is really outdated.

2. I should have turned on the flash, despite my fear that all this flash photography is going to blind my child and she will have to wear glasses by the time she's in 2nd grade.

3. One should always keep a spare onesie in the diaper bag, in case of any possible explosions.

4. Addie has seen her dad wear his collar up one too many times.

Addie's new BFF.

Adeline has been concerned ever since Jud told her she needs a BFF. She was very relieved when Landon was born last night. Now, not only is she no longer the youngest, but she has officially declared him her new best friend. She has all kinds of trips for the two of them planned and she can't wait to start playing "got your nose" with him.

I could go be "pretty, pretty Aubrey" somewhere else.

For those of you who know what this refers to, enough said. For those of you who don't, I'm not willing to admit that I watch the show I heard this on. Of course, I probably didn't have to tell you that if you google "pretty pretty Aubrey" you'll discover my secret.

All that wonderful hair.

I found this picture from several weeks ago on our camera. I took it while we were at the pediatrician's office waiting for them to give Adeline her first shots. Col, I miss your beard. Addie, I miss your double chin.

Like sands in an hourglass, these are the holes of our lives.

This is a 1 1/2 year collection of paper holes, collected from the 3-hole punches throughout our office from a fellow co-worker who we will call Jen, because that is her name. When I first started working here, I was told about this collection but I forgot about it until today.

I was finishing up a 3-hole punch "project" and removed the tray full of holes to empty it in the trash. Jen was up at my desk and shouted "What are you doing?!" It was then that I remembered the collection. I asked her what she's going to do with them and found out she doesn't know. It was recommended to her (not by me) to start playing pranks on her family by loading up their ceiling fans with these holes, or strategically placing them above car visors. She turned down these ideas and said "These holes will be used at my wedding." All I can say is, I better be invited.

Please stop belittling me.

A few minutes ago, a woman walked into our office and asked if she could use our fax machine. She was speaking about 10 times faster than the average person and all I caught was "she's waiting for it right now." I don't know who she is but when I see the fax is only 2 pages, I agree to send it. So then she says "Ok, what's the fax number?" I paused, decided she had actually meant to ask if she could receive a fax here and told her our fax number. She ignored me and asked for a pen. She wrote down a number and said "Ok, thanks. I'll send it right away." It was then that I saw the TINY earpiece and realized she was on the phone with someone. I felt a little sheepish, but I'm sure I'm not the first one who has not noticed her phone - it was maybe 1/10th the size of Carl's Bluetooth earpiece that Col rescued from the sidewalk the other night. Plus, she had a lot of hair.

When I handed her fax back to her, she magically traded it for her business card and proceeded to give me a sales pitch about her aerial photography business. Not the best strategy in the world. We prefer working with aerial photographers who have their own fax machine, thanks.

The proof is in the pudding.

This is how you score a 95 at karaoke.

Camelback VW: It just doesn't get much worse.

It took over a year for them to get us the second key to our Passat. You're thinking that was a typo and I meant a week, or even a month. Nope. A year.

They installed our new fuel pump incorrectly which caused a large gas leak. With gas prices as high as they are, I think it cost us about $2,678.99 in gas before we noticed the leak. Sure, it was only a few hours before we noticed it, but gas is really expensive.

They ordered us a new seat when a spring broke, but conveniently sent it back before notifying us it was in. They then tried to get us to pay them to replace our brakes and do an oil change while we waited for the seat to come in. They assured us the seat would arrive in a couple of days. Just let us work on your car all weekend since it has to be here anyway. (If you've ever had a dealership work on your car before, you know this would cost us another $2,678.99). When we said no thanks they then said "Oh, actually.... the seat is on back order and won't be here for about 2 weeks, so come pick up your car."

To the service department at Camelback VW: You are worse than BabyStyle.

A place with trees

We're going to Payson, Arizona this weekend. It's much cooler there (all meanings of the word apply here) and there are trees and hammocks and fireplaces and a cabin where Addie and I will be hanging out while dad has his adventure.

Are we excited to get out of the Phoenix heat this weekend? You can find the answer to that question here.

Two breast pumps too many.

I don't think there's anyone on the planet who could honestly say "I need to own three breast pumps." Nor can I say this, but that doesn't change the fact that I own three breast pumps.

The first one was bought from Target for about $150. It was all they had and I thought it was all I needed. When the baby was a couple of days old I needed it and it lasted a few days before the motor stopped working. Before you start thinking "She should have bought a Medela. That's the only brand that lasts" you should know that it was a Medela, smarty pants. This particular Medela however, was not a daily use pump which is what I really needed, and since the motor had stopped working I took it back to Target. As my luck would have it, this particular pump had been clearanced out at about $30 which was too big of a loss for my taste so I took it back home with me and called Medela. After about 30 minutes of troubleshooting with the nice customer service rep, she told me it's possible the water we ran through the motor (not what I would've expected them to tell me to do) will get it working in a couple of days, but she'd send me a new motor anyway.

Two days later the new motor arrived, just hours after I'd tried the old pump again and found that it was now working.

I now had two motors for a non-daily use pump which just wasn't going to cut it when I went back to work. Hence, we bought a new daily-use pump for about $250. That makes three, folks.

I've thought about selling the old motor(s) on ebay. Not the individual pieces (shields, bottles etc.), which are sold separately and really should be purchased new, and I've found that you can never have enough of them so I'm keeping them. I'm not convinced I'll ever actually follow through with selling these pumps though because I was dead set on selling my wedding dress because I'll never need it again so why keep it? but over 2 years later it's still in my closet. Ask me in 2 years, and those two motors will still probably be in the closet, right next to the wedding dress.

Casual Friday

These are the jeans I will be wearing to work tomorrow (yes, the only jeans I can fit into are my maternity jeans):



These are the jeans I wish I could wear to work tomorrow, but I just don't fit into them yet:



And no, that is not an actual picture of me in my actual maternity jeans. Those are actually a lot cuter than my actual maternity jeans. Plus, I'm not one to wear heels with jeans. Or ever, actually.

Dadgummit! Blowout!

At precisely 5:00 p.m. this evening I entered the parking garage to find my front driver's side tire flat. I am very thankful it wasn't the back passenger's side because who knows how long it would've been before I noticed it. I have a tendency to think "My goodness, this road sure is bumpy."

If I've never mentioned before how much I love my husband and how grateful I am that he's on his way to change that tire, I'll do so now. Not only would it take me about 10 times as long as it will take Col, but I'm also wearing a skirt and that would really complicate matters.

This is me by my flat. Do I look like I know how to change a tire?

Sweet motivation

Our company doesn't have a "casual Friday", so jeans are pretty much reserved for weekends. While on my maternity leave from work, I wanted to wear jeans while I could. I wanted to wear them every day all day long. Unfortunately, I had just had a baby and none of my jeans fit me. I knew if I bought new jeans I'd probably never lose the pregnancy weight, so instead of buying new clothes I exercised regularly and ate healthy balanced meals. I did lose some weight, but my maternity leave ended and I still couldn't fit into any of my jeans.

Back at work where I can never wear jeans, I pretty much gave up on exercising and I bought some new clothes for work that actually fit me (a "fat wardrobe" if you will). Today, I got an email from my boss that changed everything. The most important line was this:

"Effective this Friday, July 21st – denim will be allowed at Sunbelt on Fridays thru Labor Day. If all goes well – no fashion “faux pas”, we will consider making this a year-round change."

Ladies and gentlemen, that was the motivation I needed.

Can someone demonstrate the "King of the Dance" pose for me please?

I'm going to a yoga class tonight. It should be interesting. When Col was working at the rock climbing gym, I attended a couple of beginning classes but that was a couple of years ago and I don't remember much. I'll be in big trouble if they try to get us do this pose:



I think this one is about the extent of my ability:



By the way "King of the Dance" is Nataraja-asana in Sanskrit. Who'd have guessed?

Speaking of free massages....

The Arizona School of Massage Therapy is running a special - 2 massages for $25. Now that's a deal. It's going on for the next three weekends at the location by REI in Tempe - at Priest & Southern. Maybe I'll see you there since I plan to live there this weekend.

At a stoplight this morning.

I could parallel park in the huge space you left between you and the car in front of you. And I just might.

I wish somebody would do something about how fat I am.

Yesterday I was complaining to a coworker that I can no longer find time to exercise and that I'm losing my drive to lose the pregnancy weight. This morning on my desk I found a trial pass to World Gym. Evidently they have a nursery, so now I have no excuse.

My main motivation is the pair of 7 jeans hanging in my closet that I would REALLY like to be able to wear. Plus the fact that I REALLY don't want to invest in a fat wardrobe. However, the desire to wear jeans again isn't really getting me to the gym lately. I now have 2 gym memberships, a bicycle, weather I could run outside in (as long as the sun's not up yet), a swimming pool big enough to swim mini laps, exercise equipment at my in-law's, a yoga ball and yoga mat, as well as lots of exercise DVDs, but I don't see myself using any of it anytime soon.

Then I discovered this little device. All my problems are solved.

No thank you, I do not want a free spa day.

Many a solicitor comes to our office, and I am the lucky person who gets to deal with them. They are usually peddling office supplies, cell phones, office equipment, or something of that nature. Usually I quickly and politely tell them that we're not interested and send them on their way. Yesterday was the first time I paused to think about it. The gentleman who came in said "We'd like to give your office vouchers for free massages at a Scottsdale spa."

How do you say no to that?

I asked if we'd need to listen to some type of presentation. He said it would only take 5 seconds for him to tell us about their newest promotion. Jen heard me wavering from her hiding spot around the corner and stepped in to save me. I'm sure she was right to assume that this 5 seconds would end up taking a lot longer and that at the end of the presentation, we would probably have to give up our first born child to actually get the vouchers, so I'm glad we sent him away. But I won't tell you it was easy to watch those free massages walk out the door.

Grocery stores should not sell cigarettes.

You are probably assuming I want grocery stores to stop selling cigarettes because smoking is addictive and cigarettes kill. Maybe you think my reasons concern the environment - I'm worried about the pollutants that are released by burning tobacco. I could also be concerned about the effects of second hand smoke on myself and others.

While those things are true, the main reason I want grocery stores to stop selling cigarettes is due to the irritatingly long time I had to wait in line last night while the grocery checker fetched a pack for the guy in front of me.

I adopted a pet llama.

Everyone, meet Ruby, my new pet llama. If you click on more, you can feed her.

adopt your own virtual pet!

Aubrey deserves...

Aubrey deserves all the respect and credibility worthy of someone who doesn't utter a peep.

Aubrey deserves an Oscar for his portrayal of Ralph.

Aubrey deserves our solidarity.

No one would say that Aubrey deserves any blame whatsoever; she does not deserve any moral culpability, and she has not broken any law.

Aubrey deserves credit for at least trying.

Aubrey deserves a metal of honor (not medal, metal)

Aubrey deserves to get flamed.

Aubrey deserves long-term security.

Aubrey deserves that you should think kindly of him.


But my favorite is....

Aubrey deserves to win because half of the money she would get from being a supermodel would go to charity

How you know it's time to move your baby from the bassinett to the crib.

The thing about Volvos.

"The thing about Volvos is they're expensive to fix."

"The thing about Volvos is that most auto shops won't work on them."

These are the 2 statements we've heard the most since our Volvo broke down in Logan, Utah a few days ago. And you know what? They're right.

This is our car. It won't start. Some kind of problem with the ignition sensor. We had it towed to an auto shop in Logan and they said they didn't know enough about Volvos and we'd have to have it towed to the dealership in Salt Lake City. For those of you who've never had to have a vehicle towed 100 miles, it's not cheap.

The dealership told us they wouldn't be able to look at the car until Monday, which is tomorrow. We both had to be at work on Monday and if we had been in Hawaii, or Fiji we probably would've hung out until it was fixed, but we weren't. We were in Utah. Luckily, our friends were driving down to Phoenix and had room to give us a ride. So we left our car in Utah until further notice. My parents may be able to drive it down to us. If not, Col is going to have to fly up to retrieve it. My worry is:

towing bill + new ignition sensor + dealership labor bill = broken bank

We shall see.

West of the Mississippi

Growing up here in Idaho, we always went to the fireworks in Idaho Falls. They were big and impressive... spectacular, if you will. Little did I know it's the biggest show west of the Mississippi. Or at least that's what they say.

Aubrey needs an update

I googled "Aubrey needs" again after I saw on Site Meter that someone googled it. Looks like there's a new one.


Aubrey needs to stop it with the "yo yo yo yo". Diddy aint having that!


Anyone who happened to see Making the Band will know what this is all about.

In other news of the weird, if you search "anaphylactic shock" at this allergic reaction website my site comes up as you can see here. I feel a little bad for all the people looking for real information about allergic reactions who are sent to my blog. But just a little.

Addie's new ride

We bought a bike trailer so we can take Addie with us when we go on bike rides. For now, we have to put her in it while strapped into her carseat. Last night we were riding and we got hit by a dust storm. We discovered that the bike trailer's screen keeps out bugs, but not dust...

On Demand Smiles

Col has started touching her bottom lip to get her to smile. She usually slobbers all over his finger before she actually starts smiling. You can also see the purple pacifier in his hand that he's withholding. He holds it for ransom until she gives him a good grin.

It's all fun and games until there's a tombstone with my name on it.

I looked up my name again and found that my name twin Captain Aubrey Carter caught another big one. That's one freaky looking fish...



But then the next picture I found was a tombstone with my name... not so fun. For future reference, I would appreciate if there is not a pig wearing a football helmet marking my grave. Thank you.

Stomach Sleeper

Addie is starting to fit into some of her 3-6 month old clothes. As you can see, we shaved a mohawk, but left a nice mullet in the back.

Meet Captain Aubrey Carter

This is my name twin. He is very talented when it comes to catching gigantic pink fish.

Cause and Effect

This picture is the effect.

This is the cause.

Skills

We're working on getting Adeline to make certain facial expressions on demand. These pictures show the progress we've made so far.

When we say "Show me scared."



When we say "Show me surprised"

When we say "Show me cross-eyed"

Aubrey needs...

At Stacey's suggestion, I googled "Aubrey needs". Mine's a little screwy since Aubrey was a popular boy's name back in the day.

Aubrey needs:

... at least a little practicality about her.

... an emergency dose of adrenaline on hand in case of anaphylactic shock

... a girl who likes music, romantic dinners, and is a big movie fan.

... this email to send another survey

... a ship surgeon for his new command

... to be the key central character at all times with the less attractive Maturin a close second.

That last one's my favorite.

Missing: One Orange Pacifier

I had to post this for everyone who won't see the Carter blog.

To all of you "no comment" types.

Ears

This is what my baby would look like if her ears stuck out.

Accidental J. Lo Sighting

Did you know that if you just type the letters "lo" in your browser and hit enter, www.jenniferlopez.com is what comes up. I accidentally discovered this when opening my own blog. I typed "lo" and scrolled down to recent sites to pull up mine. To my surprise, Jennifer Lopez appeared on my screen beckoning me to enter her site. Evidently I didn't click onto the recent sites properly, and "lo" alone triggered her site.

My question is, why doesn't http://lostthetouch.blogspot.com/ come up when "lo" is typed in the browser? Who says J. Lo gets priority? I guess it's possible she paid for priority. Rich people. Bah!

Not quite sitting up yet...

Addie is holding her neck up a lot more, so I propped her up on the chair to take a picture or two. I was assuming she'd be able to sit upright for a few seconds, but I was wrong.



I even tried setting her in the corner for more support...

So I guess I'll just have to wait a little while longer for full spinal development. She was quite patient during all these attempts, as you can see by her facial expressions... just waiting it out.

I want Adeline to be smart.

A friend who's living in NYC sent me this today:

"Today I went to a conference on literacy and children's health. A doctor who spoke said that there is a strong relationship between cognitive development and iron deficiency. Most babies get enough iron either from breast milk or formula, but it becomes a problem at ages 1-3 because they start drinking regular milk which isn't iron fortified. The brain is fully grown by age 3 so if a toddler isn't getting enough iron during that period their cognitive development will be affected. So basically, if you
want Adeline to be smart make sure she gets her iron!"

Good to know... I'll definitely need to pay attention to this in about a year, but it also helped motivate me to keep taking my prenatal vitamins. My OB told me to keep taking them as long as I'm nursing, but I was slacking off. That vitamin is often my only source of iron...

I've been trying to cook healthy meals for Col and I. It's nice to be home and to have time to do it. Hopefully I won't slack off again once my maternity leave is over. It's definitely harder to find the time and energy to cook healthy meals after working all day.

My date with Billy.

So I've started doing Tae Bo. I find myself very limited with exercise options since it's too hot to run outside and I can't take Addie just anywhere. I've been doing Pilates and some other workout tapes and today I stumbled upon a goldmine: my mother-in -law's exercise video collection. I tried a yoga ball/weights workout which I liked, and then I did a little Tae Bo for the first time in my life. I'm a fan. Billy is officially added into my weight loss strategy. In case anyone needs exercise videos or DVDs, I borrowed several DVDs but I hardly made a dent in the collection.

Happy birthday to me.

The only thing better than a birthday cake, is a birthday cake pinata.

Imaginary Cane

Addie's playing the crippled card in order to get to sit in the good chair. She makes it look huge. I think we could both fit in it. When we first put her on it, we centered her. She held herself up fine for a few minutes and then her head started favoring one side and eventually she started tipping. We propped her up in the corner of the chair to keep her from falling over.

Things we stole from Tiffany & Troy

1. Barrett placement. We'd had a hard time getting Addie's barretts to stay in so we copied the way Audrey's was in her hair. It's stayed in all day. Fabulous, absolutely fabulous.

2. Dream feedings. Though this may not have been their idea originally, they sparked our interest in it. We did it last night and it worked like a charm.

3. Pacifier Propping. This really does help. Just to be safe, I've only done it when I'm watching her closely. I guess I should call it Supervised Pacifier Propping.

4. Bottle Propping. We haven't been able to use this one yet, but believe me, we will.

5. Gymboree classes. Though we haven't committed to anything, I reserve the right to steal this idea in the future.

Mercury Update

It has not been thrown away. It is residing on the counter in its ziplock baggie home until Col finds a more permanent (and more airtight) residence for it. I know I probably shouldn't be concerned. After all, it was in our thermostat the entire time we've lived here. I can't help but think, however, that it's emitting noxious fumes that the baby will breathe in. It will then solidify in her veins, turning her into an X-men character of some sort.

I think I had a dream last night that the liquid metal globules reunited and became the bad guy on Terminator 2. Scary.

Liquid Metal

Last night we bought a new thermostat. The old one has never worked very well - it would read 70 degrees and feel like at least 80. So we went to Home Depot and after picking out new ceiling fans, we picked out a digital thermostat. When Col went to replace it, he found that the old one used Mercury. We took this picture and he mentioned that he'd like to keep the little vial. "Is it dangerous at all?" I asked. "Not as long as it doesn't break," he answered.

Minutes later, it broke. The Mercury separated on our table and we snapped this picture before cleaning it up. He enclosed the liquid metal globs in a mini ziplock baggie and said he'd throw it away. I think he wants to show it to a few people before he does.

Scooter

Addie has started scooting. I wasn't sure how she was doing it until this morning. The other day she was on the changing table and I left the room to wash my hands. When I went back in, she had scooted up so far that her head was off the changing pad. She's doing it all the time now. I'll put her to bed in her bassinett slash stroller and when I go to pick her up, she has scooted clear to the bottom, with her legs bent up against the side.

This morning I laid her down next to me on the couch with her feet about 6 in. from me. All of a sudden I felt her little feet kicking me, so I moved her back 6 in. and watched as she kicked her feet, slowly scooting toward me, ending with her feet as shown in this picture, still kicking.

Signs your child has joined a gang.

When I went to get Addie out of her crib after her nap this afternoon, to my surprise I saw that she had tied this bandana to her forearm. I quickly removed it, of course. She watched out of the corner of her eyes and will probably tie it back on as soon as I'm out of sight.

Nose Sucker

Col usually cleans out Addie's nose. He charts out a strategic plan of attack, and then goes at it, completing in record time with a minimal amount of resistance from the victim. Such was not the case this morning. The following is the interpretation of Adeline's screams when I tried to clean out her nose:

"I want daddy to do it!"

"Daddy's at work, honey. Mommy has to do it today."

"No! Daddy needs to do it!"

"I'm sorry, honey. Daddy's not here."

"No! No! No! I don't want you to do it! I want daddy!"

"This will just take a minute, I promise."

"Daddy! Daddy! Daddy!"