I never should have let him buy that power hedge trimmer.

This is what our bougainvillea looked like a few days ago. Lush, beautiful... everything that bougainvillea should be. That's Col standing under it, smiling and hatching his plan for "trimming it back", which needed to be done since they're painting our complex.
This is what it looks like now. Oh, the humanity!

*The first picture is not an actual picture of our house, bougainvillea, or Col. The second picture, unfortunately, is.

She's a scrapper.

A lady at my work had a baby one week after I did. Today they met for the first time. It started off friendly, with maybe a little trash talking on both sides.

Then there was a little provoking, and Addie may have slapped Rachel in the face.
Addie then moved it up a notch with hair and ear pulling.
Yes, that is Addie giving Rachel a "fish hook" and trying to eat her face.
This was followed by a brief staring contest.

In the end, they kissed and made up.

His name is Adeline.

Last night we were eating at our favorite Thai place and the owner saw Adeline in her car seat and said "What a cute little boy! How old is he?" Now, this is not the first time this has happened, and I'm sure it won't be the last. She doesn't always wear pink and she doesn't always have barretts or bows in her hair. Last night she was wearing green so I don't blame her for thinking she was a boy.

So, not wanting to embarrass her, I just answered "5 months". She cooed at her a bit and then asked "What's his name?" Oops. Adeline isn't a very masculine name. If it were Kelly or Jordan or Chris we'd have been fine, but if I told the truth, she'd know she'd guessed the wrong gender. I glanced at Col and was about to make up a boy's name when Col said "She's a girl." Awkwardness ensued.

The Glamorous World of Michael Pollack

I first saw his picture all over the walls at the discount movie theater he built. I then started seeing it on signs by vacant lots. Next he started showing up in the mail at my job - on invitations, ads and on the cover of "Our Real Estate Community" magazine which came in the mail today here at work.

Little did I know that he was once the most famous man in Houston. Welcome to The Glamorous World of Michael Pollack. Here's a gem you'll find there:

A Complex, Sensitive Man

But Michael Pollack was oh-so-much more than just a real estate genius. He also had a sensitive side. Michael revealed his sensitive side in a 1985 interview with Houston City Magazine. "I like to design jewelry," he said. "I designed everything I'm wearing." Stunning diamond and gold-encrusted watches, and huge medallions with eagles were his favorites. Why did he like eagles so much? "There's an old saying: 'Doves fly but eagles soar.' I knew Colonial House was going to soar." He even designed his own clothing, including his renowned leather/suede/wool leisure suits. If only the real estate bust had held off another year or two, Michael Pollack would now be known as a leading fashion designer!

If only!

Everybody dance now! (cont.)

Ever since I woke up early to vote and found C&C Music Factory blaring in my ear, we've been waging the "Alarm Clock War" where I try to set it back to a decent hour, and Col sets it back to 5:30 a.m. He's a snoozer, and likes to wake up and know that he can still sleep 2 more hours. I like that feeling myself, except I'm finding that I can't go back to sleep and I just end up feeding and playing with the baby while she kicks and pokes her sleeping daddy. I wouldn't really mind being forced to wake up so early, except that the alarm is set to Disney Radio and we keep forgetting to change the station.

This morning when it went off at 5:30 a.m. I heard "I LIKE TO MOVE IT! MOVE IT! I LIKE TO MOVE IT! MOVE IT!" In case you don't remember that song, it was a little ditty by Reel 2 Real. (I had to google it).

I rarely use all caps. I only did so to emphasize to you how loud this was. I had turned up this very radio Saturday, as it doubles as the CD player I turn on when I'm cleaning the house. Now, imagine it loud enough that I can hear it on the other side of the house with the vacuum on. We don't even have a vacuum since we got wood floors, but you get the point.

There's a reason it's legal to change your name.

I've seen many a name in my day that I wouldn't necessarily want to have myself. Some are worse than others. This one takes the cake.

My famous nieces.

Credit for this one goes to my husband. I will, however, take credit for the one above. I expect to be contacted by Parenting magazine any day now.

Everybody dance now!

Two days in a row this week I had to wake up at 5:30 a.m. - first to vote and then to take my parents to the airport. BOTH days when the alarm went off at 5:30 a.m., the song playing on the radio was "Everybody Dance Now" by C&C Music Factory. I felt like I was living Groundhog Day over and over. The first morning the timing was perfect and the first thing I heard was "EVERYBODY DANCE NOW!" (much louder than necessary). The second morning I heard "Let the music take control....Let the rhythm move you" (also much louder than necessary).

No one should have to wake up to that. Not only did it give me a rough start to the day, BOTH days, it has rendered me violently ill. C&C Music Factory, I blame you for my misery.


P.S. You thought the Groundhog Day link would go to the movie cover, didn't you? I'm delirious. Don't expect anything to make sense.

Anybody who's everybody is up in here.

I used to check the new Strong Bad emails pretty religiously - every Monday a new one was posted, and by Monday afternoon I had seen it. I had to cut back once I started talking like Strong Bad. I could also do a great impersonation of homestarrunner.

So I haven't seen the recent ones. I'll have to get on that.

For the time being, this one is still my personal favorite. This one is a close second.

and this is the sticker they gave me

This morning, at 5:50 a.m. I arrived at the closest voting poll to our house, which is in a nearby elementary school. I went early so I wouldn't have to wait in line. I was there early enough to witness the volunteers being sworn in, which was pretty cool. Luckily, they didn't notice me taking a picture with my camera phone.

They were all pretty impressed to see me there so early. They said "Now that's dedication!" and "You're a real patriot!" "Good for you!" Maybe their enthusiasm was sparked by the fact that I was still in my PJ's. Anyway, it felt nice to be respected for my voting zeal.



And then my name wasn't on the list.

So much for all that respect and admiration. All of a sudden I was the most annoying person in their world. They had to fill out a provisional ballot which took forever and much chaos ensued. After much longer than it should've taken I went home and crawled back into bed. It was all worth it - I accomplished my goal which was:

VOTE YES ON PROP 401!!

and this is the shirt they gave me

This morning as I was driving to my 7:00 a.m. dentist appt., I heard on the radio that KFYI had a "We will never forget" billboard at Central and Thomas that they were encouraging people to come out and sign. It would then be displayed here for a week before being sent to New York to be put up there.

My appointment took all of 3 minutes (bite adjustment) so I had plenty of time to sign the billboard. As I was leaving, one of the guys there gave me this shirt. In case you're thinking that's MY sweet beard, I should let you know that the shirt doesn't quite fit me.

Snowblahg

A good friend of mine just started up an online snowboarding magazine. I'm pretty sure the way it works is the more people that sign up for an account and comment regularly, the easier he's able to get advertisers so if you're at all interested (and I think you are) sign up.

http://www.snowblahg.com/

I like it.

If anyone sees a Dunder Mifflin snow globe on ebay or maybe Craigslist, get it for me. I'd pay you good money for it. (At least $2.50)

They're just for decorations!

I'm wondering if any of you ever came into contact with a car that had whistle tips. This is the first I've heard of them. Evidently they go woo! woo! You know what I'm saying? Then you've got the flow, man.

Nature was good to me.

If this shirt wasn't $78 every guy I know would be getting one for Christmas. I would've bid on this one since it went for $43.00 (what a deal!) but for some reason, not all guys wear fuchsia.

The Bourne Ultimatum

I'm a little worried about the second sequel (threequel?) to The Bourne Identity. I really liked the first two, but when I heard there will be a third I thought "What more could there possibly be?" Well, here is the plot outline for The Bourne Ultimatum:

Bourne races to discover the final mysteries of his past while a government agent tries to track him down after a shootout in Moscow.

So.... I thought that was the plot line of The Bourne Supremacy. Maybe they forgot that they already made a sequel?

I actually first heard about this one while reading a little blurb about Oceans Thirteen. That's another threequel that makes me think "Really?"

The Wikipedia article on it states "This will be the final installment of the series." Yeah, I'll believe that when I see it.

Humdinger

Anyone who has played Cranium knows what a Humdinger is. You're probably thinking Col added this picture to my blog, but I actually posted this one myself. On the way home from Payson, we played a simplified version with my parents, where someone picks a song to hum and the first one who thinks of it yells the title so loudly that the baby wakes up.

I am what you might call "tone deaf". This condition is magnified when I'm trying to hum. I also don't have what you might call "rhythm" and usually I hum it way too fast and don't hold notes long enough.

Col, on the other hand is humdiddlyumptious. He is as good at humming as he is at Saved by the Bell trivia. He can hum any tune on demand and he actually sort of sings the words with his mouth closed so you can even make out the words half the time.

For this particular game, we had to pick songs that spanned the generations, as my parents wouldn't necessarily recognize some of the songs that Col and I would know, and vice versa. We pretty much ended up humming your standard karaoke songs. David Bowie was well-represented, as were the Beatles and CCR.

The second game we played was that memory game where you say something like "I'm going camping and I'm taking _______" and then each person adds something. Our list ended up as:

I'm going to Europe and I'm taking a camera, a banjo, an easel, mentholatum, Abreva, a turkey leg, a turkey baster, a portable toilet seat, a whistle, shoelaces, a boat, a life jacket, toenail polish, a moped, a spare tire, a stop sign, little Addie, a turkey wing, a brake light, and one more thing that we couldn't think of (I admit Col helped me remember the list).

Col won the game. I was the second one out.

The List

I have heard whisperings of a list Col made that in some way laid out the highlights of a trip to Yellowstone Park. I have never seen the list so I don't know what exactly it was, but I have made a list of my own for the highlights of this past weekend up at the cabin.

Labor Day at The Cabin

1. "Is it my birthday?"

2. Carl acting out "energetic".

3. Carl acting out "burglar" (I could list several others, but I'll stop myself at 2).

4. "Mom, did they make a bad choice?"

5. Robyn and Aubrey getting stuck on the ATVs and no one answering their phones when we called for help.

6. Col and Cameron getting lost on the ATVs and breaking both horns. "Follow the telephone poles."

7. "Watching movies is my favorite thing to do."

8. How many Carters does it take to build a sandbox?

9. Why can't you use a skill saw to cut off a low-lying tree branch?

10. "Huge spider in the kitchen."

Saved by the Bell vs. Saturday's Warrior

"(Singing) It seems like yesterday our times were started..."

"Are you singing Saturday's Warrior?"

"No. Saved by the Bell."

"Ah.... I thought you were singing that song 'The circle of our love extends beyond the reach of time'..."

"No, I was singing the song Zack wrote and then before the assembly, they put lemon extract in Zack's drink so he'd lose his voice halfway through his song."

"Yeah... I must have missed that one... 'Line upon line... precept on precept... like a summer shower, giving us each hour his wisdom..."

Yankee go home!

My parents just picked up our Volvo in Salt Lake. You can read about that fiasco here. Notice that was written on July 9. It is now Aug. 30, and our car is finally finished and we will soon be reunited with it.

Many thanks to all those who helped us during this difficult time, and to my parents for driving it down.

But this post isn't about our car. It's about anti-Bush/anti-war demonstrations. My parents stumbled upon one today in Salt Lake City, causing them to be stuck in traffic for some time. I am intrigued by this because Col and I stumbled upon two of these on our honeymoon - one in Rome and one in Paris. Besides being anti-Bush and anti-war they were clearly anti-USA. Though we didn't have any American flags on our backpacks, I guess we looked pretty American because people were shouting "Yankee go home!" to us and we had to make a speedy exit in order to avoid being lynched.

So I'm wondering if this one in Salt Lake was any different. Was it anti-USA as well? Or were they able to keep it anti-war/anti-Bush without getting anti-USA and is that even possible? I also wonder if the demonstration was on the same streets as this year's 4th of July parade. Probably.

15 Reasons to Buy a Castle

Most of the 15 reasons found here are pretty legitimate, and would entice me to buy this castle any day of the week. However, a few of them are questionable. For example:

6. BARBECUE:
Barbecues can be held by the lake. The setting is absolutely ideal.

We bbq about twice a week. Don't they know I'm moving to Prague to get AWAY from the Phoenix lifestyle?

8. CASINO:
The palace can easily accommodate a casino, which is totally legal in the Czech Republic.

There's a casino less than a mile from my house and I don't even go to it. However, it is good to know that if I go that route, it's "totally legal".

9. CHILD PETTING ZOO:
This can be created, while children love to pet and feed animals.

I think these 15 reasons were written in Czech and then translated into French and then back into Czech before being translated into English.

10. OTHER CHILD ACTIVITIES:
Clowns, jugglers, magicians and puppet shows, combined with fishing, swimming, boat and pony rides will certainly entertain and delight all children.

Do all these things come with the castle, or do I have to buy them separately?

15. ROYAL CREST:
The estate, of course, has a royal sea which can be used on all stationary, menus, towels, bed sheets, blankets and other promotional items.

If they really do mean "sea" that could be quite messy. If they mean "royal seal", some baron is going to be rolling over in his grave as I stamp it on my linens and "other promotional items".

First, remove eggs from carton.

My friend Jill's recent baking experience with a recipe that was missing some key details reminded me of a recipe I once read. It was the opposite extreme of the one Jill was working from. The directions went something like this:

First, remove eggs from carton. Next, lightly tap first egg against a sharp edge such as the counter or edge of mixing bowl until it cracks. Carefully separate the shells and drop the egg into the bowl, making sure that no shell pieces fall into the bowl. Discard shells. Repeat process for second egg.

You can imagine how the rest of the instructions went. I'm not sure which is worse - not nearly enough detail, or so much detail you feel like it was written for someone who has never turned on an oven. (Preheat oven by turning dial to 350. Be sure the light is on, indicating the oven has been turned on. Oven will beep once it is preheated.)

There's a first time for everything.

So much for leaving her unattended. Ever.

Anyone need a couch?

What about a bed?


Yes, these beautiful items have been kindly placed by some unknown neighbor right outside our front door. We have been informed that our waste removal company won't do anything about it unless it's actually in the dumpster, so it might be there awhile. I'm thinking about listing them on Craigslist, so if you're interested in either, you better hurry - these beauties are going to go fast!

Trauma at the dentist's laboratory.

I say laboratory, because it felt more like Dr. Frankenstein's laboratory than a dentist's office. Most of the drilling was done, so you'd think the worst part was over, but oh no. With my little ground-down tooth nubbin anxiously awaiting a crown, thunder shook the building and the power went out. I can tell you one thing for sure - you don't ever want to hear your dentist gasp "Oh no!"

Before long, the power came back on, revealing the panic in his eyes. Another thing you don't ever want to hear is your dentist telling the assistant to hurry because "we have to get this tooth covered before the power goes out again." With the power continuing to flicker, I seriously felt like I was a science experiment, especially since about this time the lidocaine wore off and I started feeling pain so they had to stick more needles into me. Luckily, the power stayed on long enough for the crown to be made and set.

As I left, I was walking down the hall and I overheard the dentist say to someone else "I've never done that before."

What?! Let's hope he meant he's never done it before with the light flickering on and off. Or maybe they had struck up a conversation about hang gliding.

Birthdays

Last year on my birthday we were in Alamos, Mexico. It's a little town at the southern edge of Sonora that's more like Spain than Mexico. We went with friends who gave me a chocolate flan birthday cake that was pretty much the most delicious thing I've ever eaten. Col bought me this pinata from a little shop that insisted all their pinatas were from Mexican cartoons, like Dora la Explorador, Bob el Constructor and the PowerPuff girls, whose Spanish name I don't remember. This mermaid was supposed to be Aerial from a Mexican film called "La Sirenita", but it didn't look like Aerial so we picked it and then we took it up to the hilltop overlooking the city to break it and watch as little Mexican children gathered all the candy and then took the broken pinata home to play with. It was a really fun birthday. The following day wasn't quite so fun, especially for Matt who passed several kidney stones in the back seat on the way back to Phoenix.

This year was fun - we had a BBQ and swimming party - but it didn't really compare to Mexico. Col's birthday, on the other hand, was the birthday to top all birthdays. His parents took us to a fabulous lunch at Oscar Taylor's and I took half the day off to hang out with him. We went shopping, which is one of his favorite past-times and then went on a bike ride with friends. I made him a fabulous ice cream cake (it rivaled the chocolate flan cake, which I never thought was possible) and Drew gave him a foam rocket man which he was very excited about. His parents gave him a banjo which he's played nonstop ever since, and to top it all off, they had a big dinner for him yesterday with another birthday cake.

I didn't think it could get better than my birthday in Alamos, Mexico but I think Col has managed to top it this year. I'll have to really go all out to beat this one.

Correction: I was not driving 140 miles per hour.

The speeding ticket was for $140. I was driving around 105. Big difference.

Something has been on my mind lately.

And that is... what's going to happen with Jim and Pam?

Breakfast Shmorgasborg

Did you know shmorgasborg is not a real word? It's not on dictionary.com, anyway.

So, here at work someone takes petty cash and brings in breakfast every Friday morning. Every now and again someone gets creative, but usually it's just bagels and cream cheese. Today we were presented with oh so much more.

Let me take just a minute and list off all the goodies that are in this picture.

Chocolate muffins
Banana nut muffins
Bananas
Apples
Peaches
Plums
Peanut M&Ms
Assorted chocolates
Beef jerky
Red Vines
A pecan bar thing from some fancy bakery in Phoenix
Grapes
Watermelon
Goldfish!!
Peanuts
Triscuits
Cheddar cheese
Fromage de chevre (otherwise known as goat cheese)
Babybel cheese
Smoked salmon
Cream cheese
bagels
Donuts
OJ

Most Fridays, the hardest decision I have to make is do I want the whole wheat bagel, or the cinnamon raisin bagel? Today, I really had to think about it. This is what I chose:



And then, of course, I will be eating peanut M&Ms all day long.

Now THAT'S a bribe.

This is the little book full of fun and colorful post its as well as the chocolate covered sunflower seeds that the Office Max sales rep brought me today, along with a carton of apology paper. He called yesterday to make sure we received our one ream of apology paper. I assured him that we did, and informed him of the ironically haggard condition it arrived in. He asked "So did that ream make up for the paper that arrived torn?" When I didn't answer he said "I guess not, since it arrived torn."

Ding ding ding! I told him we wouldn't be ordering from them again.

So today he pulled out all the stops. Not only did he bring a full carton of apology paper (10 reams!) he also brought me these bribes. I don't know what it is about a little book of colored post its, but it's really working its magic. I'm thinking I'll order paper from them one more time since he's assured me this was a fluke and it will never happen again. If it does happen again though, it's 2 strikes you're out and no amount of chocolate covered sunflower seeds will make me change my mind.

I'm a little afraid of the dentist.

Yesterday I went to the dentist for a cleaning. A cleaning is fine. A cleaning I can handle. Next week, however, I have to go back to get a couple of cavities filled (does anyone know what an aclusal is? I don't either, but they said it a lot). I also have a cracked tooth that they're putting a crown on. Does anyone know how much it costs to get a porcelain crown? A LOT. Monetary concerns aside, let me tell you all the other reasons I hate going to the dentist.

1. They always try to convince me I should floss more.

2. They stick needles in my gums. Big needles.

3. These needles may deaden the nerve, but they can't stop me from hearing that drill.

4. Pressure. Pressure hurts.

5. The smell of bone and enamel being ground into powder. There is nothing worse.

6. Ground bone and enamel flying into my eye. This has never actually happened to me, but I'm sure it has happened to someone out there and that it was horrible.

Today my credit card was denied for the first time in my life.

I didn't get a credit card until just before I was married. I've always been pretty responsible with money, and I'm not a big spender, so it wasn't that I was worried about credit card debt. I had a debit card, and it seemed like that was all I needed. This became a bit of a problem when Col and I met with our mortgage broker to buy a house. I didn't have bad credit, I had no credit. They wanted 3 lines of credit going back 3 years, and I didn't even have one.

Now I have several credit cards. My very first Visa that I don't use anymore, one that builds miles ("What's in your wallet?!"), one that we have to have because it's the only one Costco accepts and a couple of others. We're talking about an unnecessarily fat wallet if we add to these the debit cards I no longer use because we only use the Capital One, hoping that in about 10 years we'll earn a one-way flight.

And with all these credit cards, and all this great credit building up I've never had a credit card rejected. Until today.

Col, before you get any more anxious and possibly have an accident, know that it was a business card. This won't be the last time it's ever maxed out.

Comment moderation disabled.

It appears as though the spambots have given up on me, so I have turned off comment moderation until such time as they start pelting me with ads again. Thank you for your patience through this difficult time. If we all stand together, we will one day be free from this tyranny.

Thank you.

*Paid for by the Aubrey For a Better Future campaign.

I'll give you a dollar if you solve this story problem.

So today a friend forwarded me one of "those" emails - the ones that are usually prefaced with "Sorry - I don't usually send these, but I thought this one was really nice". Don't worry, I won't forward it on to any of you.

About halfway down the page was this:

Important Lesson - Always remember those who serve

In the days when an ice cream sundae cost much less, a 10-year-old boy entered a hotel coffee shop and sat at a table. A waitress put a glass of water in front of him.
"How much is an ice cream sundae?" he asked.
"Fifty cents," replied the waitress.
The little boy pulled his hand out of his pocket and studied the coins in it.
"Well, how much is a plain dish of ice cream?" he inquired.
By now more people were waiting for a table and the waitress was growing impatient.
"Thirty-five cents," she brusquely replied.
The little boy again counted his coins.
"I'll have the plain ice cream," he said.
The waitress brought the ice cream, put the bill on the table and walked away. The boy finished the ice cream and left. When the waitress came back, she began to cry as she wiped down the table. There, placed neatly on the bill, were two nickels and five pennies..
You see, he couldn't have the sundae, because he had to have enough left to leave her a tip.


Ok, hold up. Two nickels and five pennies makes fifteen cents right? So how is this kid paying for a thirty-five cent ice cream AND leaving a tip with two nickels and five pennies? Had he already paid and this fifteen cents was the tip? If so, why didn't they mention that? Maybe I'm missing something, and this is one of those story problems that always stumped me like "A train leaves Chicago at 5:00 p.m. and travels at a speed of 55 mph and another train leaves Boston at 2:00 p.m. and travels at a speed of 45 mph. What is the name of the train conductor?"

This coloring book not suitable for Addie, anyway.

Though this coloring book was made for children and is being marketed for children, I wouldn't agree that it is really suitable for kids. The pages are all original creations of professional artists, and though some of it is great (I especially liked pages 24 and 25) and very creative, it is full of political messages and humor that is clearly geared toward adults (especially pages 43 and 50). I would not suggest this for your little ones, just in case you were going to go out and spend top dollar to have them color in an artist's drawings.

Married to a driver's ed instructor.

Col thinks I am a scary driver, mainly because I drive too fast almost all the time. I get this from my mother, who can be seen in the passing lane of this picture:

Before Col started working as a driver's ed teacher he seldom commented on my driving besides the occasional gasp of fear. Now, whenever I'm driving I hear a constant, soothing 'there's no need to panic here' voice telling me "Whenever you're ready, just back off the car in front of you just a little" and "The posted speed limit is 65. Don't forget the 5 mile rule. 5 miles under, 5 miles over" and my favorite, "Now let's go ahead and get out of the car and put a note on the windshield of that car you just dinged."

Would someone please tell Col that just because I've been in several car accidents including a rollover that may or may not have been entirely my fault, plus the fact that I've had more than my share of speeding tickets does NOT mean that I am a bad driver.

Comment moderation is enabled.

I'm not really a fan of having to approve comments before they show up. Sure, it gives me a certain sense of power and that's always a treat, but I'm inherently lazy and would rather let them just show up. However, somehow my blog has been A-listed for advertisers and half the comments I get now say:

Great blog! Check out my site, I think you'll like it!
http://somethingsomething.com

So, in order to defy the spammers, I have to moderate the comments and reject them. These are the only comments I will delete. If you come here and post malicious libel such as... oh, say... "my kid is way smarter than yours", I won't even delete that. So feel free to comment, free from the heavy chains of sensorship. Unless you're a spambot ad. And then I will delete you.

When I was a kid, I hated green beans.

This little girl brought back some very vivid memories.



I love the end. "I'm never eating a green beans again!!"

For all intensive purposes.

I'm collecting common mispronunciations and misspellings. Let me know if you hear or see any good ones! This list contains a few that I hear and/or say all the time. Most of them I found here.

"Ghosts, for all intensive purposes, don't exist."
"I'm at your beckon call."
"Supposubly that theater is open now."
"Her opinions are very deep seeded."
"Let's take this out into the parking lot - mano a mano."
"Let me axe you a question."
"I'm going to nip that in the butt."
"Your point is mute."
"Don't pawn that off on me."
"He was lying prostate on the ground."
"If that's what you think, you've got another thing coming."
In response to "How are you?" either "I'm good, thanks" or "I don't feel so good."
"I would like my French dip with au jus, please". (“Au jus” means “with juice” so this literally would mean "I would like my French dip with with juice please").
Associates pronounced "Assoshiates".
Mahatma Gandhi spelled "Ghandi".
And of course, "nucular".

Jury Duty

Col received a summons in the mail today for jury duty that will be taking place later this month. We can only hope he's either rejected, or it's a short trial. I'm conflicted when it comes to serving jury duty. I recognize it is our responsibility as citizens, but I dread the schedule conflicts it will cause. We won't have our car back by then, so Col may need to take the Vespa. Yes, the Volvo is still in Salt Lake with the part we need on nationwide "we have no idea when or if it will ever come in" backorder. The scooter option would be great anywhere but Phoenix, as it's still a bit scorching out.

What if the summons is for the trial of one of the serial killers that were recently arrested here in Phoenix? That would be no quick trial. Somehow, though, I doubt that they're already far enough along with that case to be selecting a jury. It seems like it usually takes a year or longer before the high profile cases make it to court. Everyone cross their fingers that's not it.

Talk to Addie

"Research shows that babies whose parents speak to them extensively have significantly higher IQs and bigger vocabularies when they get older than other children, so interaction is especially important right now. Set a solid foundation by exposing your baby to a variety of words."

The entire article can be found here.

Promises, promises.

We have no video footage of Addie. Col has a nice digital video camera and on a few occasions I've excitedly shouted "Hey! You know what would be fun?! Let's get out the digital camera and record Addie." Without fail the reaction is "Nah. Maybe later."

Saturday I was adamant. I absolutely would not back down, let's get the camera out right now and get some video of the baby. Recognizing that I wasn't going to be appeased by the usual "maybe later", Col promised we'd get the camera out on Sunday. As you can probably guess, Sunday came and went and we still have no video footage of Addie.

Col, all I have to say is: "You got some 'splainin to do, Mister."

Sweet, sweet irony.

If they were trying to convince me that their paper would never arrive torn up again, their ONE ream of apology paper didn't quite cut it.

Thumb Sucker

Most people have no problem letting their babies suck their thumb or their fingers or their hands - they even encourage it and prefer it over a pacifier. Our pediatrician is one of these. At Addie's first appointment he noticed her frantic flailing and said "Here let me help you," and placed her little fist into her mouth.

Addie would suck on her hands and fingers all day every day if we let her. It's really cute, especially since she keeps her other fingers straight and they wiggle around and she pokes herself in the nose and eyes. Then she looks at us like "Who just poked me in the eye?!"

We're trying to ease her out of this habit by distracting her with toys and pacifiers. Why, you ask? It does seem a bit odd, since most people have no problem with kids sucking on their hands. Well, in our family one of us (I won't name any names) sucked their thumb until 2nd grade and I just don't wish that kind of humiliation on Addie. It's a hard habit to break and once you hit elementary school, thumb sucking isn't exactly the best way to make friends and influence people.

Hey Col!

Good news! I found your sunglasses.

I forgot my phone again. Will you bring it to me at noon? Thanks!

Office Minimum

Last week Office Max sent a representative to coax me into ordering office supplies from them. We're a pretty tough sale since we are very happy with Wist, a local company that is less expensive and has better service and brings me goodies and gives me baby presents.

I did agree to order paper from OM because it was significantly cheaper. As the saying I just made up goes "it's cheaper for a reason" and when the 6 boxes of paper arrived, several of the reams were damaged. The paper they were wrapped in was torn, and some of the sheets were bent or torn and had to be thrown away.

Today someone called to see how we like the paper and I told her about the damage and let her know that we wouldn't be ordering any more paper from them. She asked if the outside of the case had been damaged and when I told her I didn't notice any damage she started to treat me like I was making the whole thing up. She said she'd inform our sales rep, and about 10 minutes later I received a notice from the sales rep that they're sending us one ream of paper to make up for the damage. ONE ream of paper. Like for ONE ream of paper we'll keep ordering from them. Now, if they gave me all kinds of goodies and a baby present, that would be something. Maybe a $5 gift certificate to Bath & Body Works.... now THAT's a bribe!

The ream of paper will probably come damaged. But it won't matter, because unless it's colored paper clips and free pens, I'm not interested.

So my boss asked me to find someone who can work on her conversion van - the one with the cozy green velvet interior that I would seriously live in.

"RufRoad Brakes and Mufflers."

"Hello. Your website says you work on conversion vans, is that right?"

"Yes."

"Do you only work on brakes and mufflers, or can you fix other mechanical problems?"

"Yes."

"You can repair other problems with a conversion van?"

"Brakes and mufflers."

"Just brakes and mufflers?"

"Rufroad brakes and mufflers."

"Do you speak English?"

"No."

"Is there anyone there that speaks English?"

"No."

If you stare long enough at this image, you'll see a clipper ship.

Looking at this picture, we can draw several conclusions.

1. My camera phone is really outdated.

2. I should have turned on the flash, despite my fear that all this flash photography is going to blind my child and she will have to wear glasses by the time she's in 2nd grade.

3. One should always keep a spare onesie in the diaper bag, in case of any possible explosions.

4. Addie has seen her dad wear his collar up one too many times.

Addie's new BFF.

Adeline has been concerned ever since Jud told her she needs a BFF. She was very relieved when Landon was born last night. Now, not only is she no longer the youngest, but she has officially declared him her new best friend. She has all kinds of trips for the two of them planned and she can't wait to start playing "got your nose" with him.

I could go be "pretty, pretty Aubrey" somewhere else.

For those of you who know what this refers to, enough said. For those of you who don't, I'm not willing to admit that I watch the show I heard this on. Of course, I probably didn't have to tell you that if you google "pretty pretty Aubrey" you'll discover my secret.

All that wonderful hair.

I found this picture from several weeks ago on our camera. I took it while we were at the pediatrician's office waiting for them to give Adeline her first shots. Col, I miss your beard. Addie, I miss your double chin.

Like sands in an hourglass, these are the holes of our lives.

This is a 1 1/2 year collection of paper holes, collected from the 3-hole punches throughout our office from a fellow co-worker who we will call Jen, because that is her name. When I first started working here, I was told about this collection but I forgot about it until today.

I was finishing up a 3-hole punch "project" and removed the tray full of holes to empty it in the trash. Jen was up at my desk and shouted "What are you doing?!" It was then that I remembered the collection. I asked her what she's going to do with them and found out she doesn't know. It was recommended to her (not by me) to start playing pranks on her family by loading up their ceiling fans with these holes, or strategically placing them above car visors. She turned down these ideas and said "These holes will be used at my wedding." All I can say is, I better be invited.

Please stop belittling me.

A few minutes ago, a woman walked into our office and asked if she could use our fax machine. She was speaking about 10 times faster than the average person and all I caught was "she's waiting for it right now." I don't know who she is but when I see the fax is only 2 pages, I agree to send it. So then she says "Ok, what's the fax number?" I paused, decided she had actually meant to ask if she could receive a fax here and told her our fax number. She ignored me and asked for a pen. She wrote down a number and said "Ok, thanks. I'll send it right away." It was then that I saw the TINY earpiece and realized she was on the phone with someone. I felt a little sheepish, but I'm sure I'm not the first one who has not noticed her phone - it was maybe 1/10th the size of Carl's Bluetooth earpiece that Col rescued from the sidewalk the other night. Plus, she had a lot of hair.

When I handed her fax back to her, she magically traded it for her business card and proceeded to give me a sales pitch about her aerial photography business. Not the best strategy in the world. We prefer working with aerial photographers who have their own fax machine, thanks.

The proof is in the pudding.

This is how you score a 95 at karaoke.

Camelback VW: It just doesn't get much worse.

It took over a year for them to get us the second key to our Passat. You're thinking that was a typo and I meant a week, or even a month. Nope. A year.

They installed our new fuel pump incorrectly which caused a large gas leak. With gas prices as high as they are, I think it cost us about $2,678.99 in gas before we noticed the leak. Sure, it was only a few hours before we noticed it, but gas is really expensive.

They ordered us a new seat when a spring broke, but conveniently sent it back before notifying us it was in. They then tried to get us to pay them to replace our brakes and do an oil change while we waited for the seat to come in. They assured us the seat would arrive in a couple of days. Just let us work on your car all weekend since it has to be here anyway. (If you've ever had a dealership work on your car before, you know this would cost us another $2,678.99). When we said no thanks they then said "Oh, actually.... the seat is on back order and won't be here for about 2 weeks, so come pick up your car."

To the service department at Camelback VW: You are worse than BabyStyle.

A place with trees

We're going to Payson, Arizona this weekend. It's much cooler there (all meanings of the word apply here) and there are trees and hammocks and fireplaces and a cabin where Addie and I will be hanging out while dad has his adventure.

Are we excited to get out of the Phoenix heat this weekend? You can find the answer to that question here.

Two breast pumps too many.

I don't think there's anyone on the planet who could honestly say "I need to own three breast pumps." Nor can I say this, but that doesn't change the fact that I own three breast pumps.

The first one was bought from Target for about $150. It was all they had and I thought it was all I needed. When the baby was a couple of days old I needed it and it lasted a few days before the motor stopped working. Before you start thinking "She should have bought a Medela. That's the only brand that lasts" you should know that it was a Medela, smarty pants. This particular Medela however, was not a daily use pump which is what I really needed, and since the motor had stopped working I took it back to Target. As my luck would have it, this particular pump had been clearanced out at about $30 which was too big of a loss for my taste so I took it back home with me and called Medela. After about 30 minutes of troubleshooting with the nice customer service rep, she told me it's possible the water we ran through the motor (not what I would've expected them to tell me to do) will get it working in a couple of days, but she'd send me a new motor anyway.

Two days later the new motor arrived, just hours after I'd tried the old pump again and found that it was now working.

I now had two motors for a non-daily use pump which just wasn't going to cut it when I went back to work. Hence, we bought a new daily-use pump for about $250. That makes three, folks.

I've thought about selling the old motor(s) on ebay. Not the individual pieces (shields, bottles etc.), which are sold separately and really should be purchased new, and I've found that you can never have enough of them so I'm keeping them. I'm not convinced I'll ever actually follow through with selling these pumps though because I was dead set on selling my wedding dress because I'll never need it again so why keep it? but over 2 years later it's still in my closet. Ask me in 2 years, and those two motors will still probably be in the closet, right next to the wedding dress.

Casual Friday

These are the jeans I will be wearing to work tomorrow (yes, the only jeans I can fit into are my maternity jeans):



These are the jeans I wish I could wear to work tomorrow, but I just don't fit into them yet:



And no, that is not an actual picture of me in my actual maternity jeans. Those are actually a lot cuter than my actual maternity jeans. Plus, I'm not one to wear heels with jeans. Or ever, actually.

Dadgummit! Blowout!

At precisely 5:00 p.m. this evening I entered the parking garage to find my front driver's side tire flat. I am very thankful it wasn't the back passenger's side because who knows how long it would've been before I noticed it. I have a tendency to think "My goodness, this road sure is bumpy."

If I've never mentioned before how much I love my husband and how grateful I am that he's on his way to change that tire, I'll do so now. Not only would it take me about 10 times as long as it will take Col, but I'm also wearing a skirt and that would really complicate matters.

This is me by my flat. Do I look like I know how to change a tire?

Sweet motivation

Our company doesn't have a "casual Friday", so jeans are pretty much reserved for weekends. While on my maternity leave from work, I wanted to wear jeans while I could. I wanted to wear them every day all day long. Unfortunately, I had just had a baby and none of my jeans fit me. I knew if I bought new jeans I'd probably never lose the pregnancy weight, so instead of buying new clothes I exercised regularly and ate healthy balanced meals. I did lose some weight, but my maternity leave ended and I still couldn't fit into any of my jeans.

Back at work where I can never wear jeans, I pretty much gave up on exercising and I bought some new clothes for work that actually fit me (a "fat wardrobe" if you will). Today, I got an email from my boss that changed everything. The most important line was this:

"Effective this Friday, July 21st – denim will be allowed at Sunbelt on Fridays thru Labor Day. If all goes well – no fashion “faux pas”, we will consider making this a year-round change."

Ladies and gentlemen, that was the motivation I needed.

Can someone demonstrate the "King of the Dance" pose for me please?

I'm going to a yoga class tonight. It should be interesting. When Col was working at the rock climbing gym, I attended a couple of beginning classes but that was a couple of years ago and I don't remember much. I'll be in big trouble if they try to get us do this pose:



I think this one is about the extent of my ability:



By the way "King of the Dance" is Nataraja-asana in Sanskrit. Who'd have guessed?

Speaking of free massages....

The Arizona School of Massage Therapy is running a special - 2 massages for $25. Now that's a deal. It's going on for the next three weekends at the location by REI in Tempe - at Priest & Southern. Maybe I'll see you there since I plan to live there this weekend.

At a stoplight this morning.

I could parallel park in the huge space you left between you and the car in front of you. And I just might.

I wish somebody would do something about how fat I am.

Yesterday I was complaining to a coworker that I can no longer find time to exercise and that I'm losing my drive to lose the pregnancy weight. This morning on my desk I found a trial pass to World Gym. Evidently they have a nursery, so now I have no excuse.

My main motivation is the pair of 7 jeans hanging in my closet that I would REALLY like to be able to wear. Plus the fact that I REALLY don't want to invest in a fat wardrobe. However, the desire to wear jeans again isn't really getting me to the gym lately. I now have 2 gym memberships, a bicycle, weather I could run outside in (as long as the sun's not up yet), a swimming pool big enough to swim mini laps, exercise equipment at my in-law's, a yoga ball and yoga mat, as well as lots of exercise DVDs, but I don't see myself using any of it anytime soon.

Then I discovered this little device. All my problems are solved.

No thank you, I do not want a free spa day.

Many a solicitor comes to our office, and I am the lucky person who gets to deal with them. They are usually peddling office supplies, cell phones, office equipment, or something of that nature. Usually I quickly and politely tell them that we're not interested and send them on their way. Yesterday was the first time I paused to think about it. The gentleman who came in said "We'd like to give your office vouchers for free massages at a Scottsdale spa."

How do you say no to that?

I asked if we'd need to listen to some type of presentation. He said it would only take 5 seconds for him to tell us about their newest promotion. Jen heard me wavering from her hiding spot around the corner and stepped in to save me. I'm sure she was right to assume that this 5 seconds would end up taking a lot longer and that at the end of the presentation, we would probably have to give up our first born child to actually get the vouchers, so I'm glad we sent him away. But I won't tell you it was easy to watch those free massages walk out the door.

Grocery stores should not sell cigarettes.

You are probably assuming I want grocery stores to stop selling cigarettes because smoking is addictive and cigarettes kill. Maybe you think my reasons concern the environment - I'm worried about the pollutants that are released by burning tobacco. I could also be concerned about the effects of second hand smoke on myself and others.

While those things are true, the main reason I want grocery stores to stop selling cigarettes is due to the irritatingly long time I had to wait in line last night while the grocery checker fetched a pack for the guy in front of me.

I adopted a pet llama.

Everyone, meet Ruby, my new pet llama. If you click on more, you can feed her.

adopt your own virtual pet!

Aubrey deserves...

Aubrey deserves all the respect and credibility worthy of someone who doesn't utter a peep.

Aubrey deserves an Oscar for his portrayal of Ralph.

Aubrey deserves our solidarity.

No one would say that Aubrey deserves any blame whatsoever; she does not deserve any moral culpability, and she has not broken any law.

Aubrey deserves credit for at least trying.

Aubrey deserves a metal of honor (not medal, metal)

Aubrey deserves to get flamed.

Aubrey deserves long-term security.

Aubrey deserves that you should think kindly of him.


But my favorite is....

Aubrey deserves to win because half of the money she would get from being a supermodel would go to charity

How you know it's time to move your baby from the bassinett to the crib.

The thing about Volvos.

"The thing about Volvos is they're expensive to fix."

"The thing about Volvos is that most auto shops won't work on them."

These are the 2 statements we've heard the most since our Volvo broke down in Logan, Utah a few days ago. And you know what? They're right.

This is our car. It won't start. Some kind of problem with the ignition sensor. We had it towed to an auto shop in Logan and they said they didn't know enough about Volvos and we'd have to have it towed to the dealership in Salt Lake City. For those of you who've never had to have a vehicle towed 100 miles, it's not cheap.

The dealership told us they wouldn't be able to look at the car until Monday, which is tomorrow. We both had to be at work on Monday and if we had been in Hawaii, or Fiji we probably would've hung out until it was fixed, but we weren't. We were in Utah. Luckily, our friends were driving down to Phoenix and had room to give us a ride. So we left our car in Utah until further notice. My parents may be able to drive it down to us. If not, Col is going to have to fly up to retrieve it. My worry is:

towing bill + new ignition sensor + dealership labor bill = broken bank

We shall see.

West of the Mississippi

Growing up here in Idaho, we always went to the fireworks in Idaho Falls. They were big and impressive... spectacular, if you will. Little did I know it's the biggest show west of the Mississippi. Or at least that's what they say.