Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Please call me Dr. Carter

I would really like to meet someone who claims to have a master's or doctorate from the University of Wexford. As we all know, you can buy a degree and immediately refer to yourself as "Doctor". However, until I started looking into it, I didn't realize just how many unaccredited universities are out there. Even though the University of Wexford at Zurich has been revealed as a fraud, surprisingly, there are still people out there claiming degrees.

This guy, this politician, this guy, and this new member are among them. The list goes on and on.

The greatest is this guy who not only claims "highest honors in International Business Management from University of Wexford, Zurich, Switzerland" which is a fraudulent degree, but he is also a member of the Association of Certified Fraud Examiners, USA.

Now that's irony.

Comments heard at last night's HOA meeting.

It has recently come to our attention that we, along with all the owners in our complex, will shortly be charged $600 to replace the irrigation system. We will then be charged another special assessment, the amount of which is as of yet undisclosed, to replace plants and repair landscaping torn up by the construction of the new irrigation system.

Last night I attended our HOA's monthly board meeting to find out some details. There were some real characters in attendance. Here are some highlights:

"What's your supervisor's name? Does he speak English?"

"Are you going to gouge us with this assessment right when we're paying Christmas bills?!"

"Shut up, Mona."

"Everyone should dig up their patios! I found this diamond necklace buried in mine. I warshed it up and it looks real nice."

"Can't we just get rid of all the grass and put in rocks and cactus?"

"Shut up, Betty."

"If we wanted to do it ourselves, we'd buy a house!"

The best moment came when one particularly outspoken woman yelled, "If I can't complain here, who can I complain to?!" and one of the board members responded, "Maybe a therapist?"

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

I am very good in business.

The other day Carl was reading us an email he received from a Nigerian businessman who generously wanted to donate large sums of money in any bank account Carl could provide.

Then today I stumbled across this. Great fun.

One thing Canada did right.

I don't really expect vents and grates to give way and send me plummeting into the sewer, but I still avoid walking on them. I'm not sure why. Maybe it stems from seeing cows with their legs stuck in cattle crossing grates when I was a little kid.

This picture was taken in Calgary, Canada, by a girl whose blog I read. This is one grate I wouldn't mind walking on. I think they should all be like this. And so, I will now be sending a petition around to all of you that we will forward on to the President's office. That should get results.

Monday, November 27, 2006

Saturday, November 25, 2006

She learned this from her dad.

A floor to ceiling mirror covers one wall of our dining room, which is more like a kitchen niche. Ever since we moved in, Col has been watching himself eat in the mirror. We placed Addie's booster seat so that her back is to the mirror, but it does no good.

This is yet another reason we feed her naked whenever possible. You try feeding someone seated in this position.

The down side of living in Arizona.

In Arizona a vehicle theft occurs every 9 minutes, 54 seconds.

Yesterday Col and I went to pick up my dad's SUV to deliver a couple of paintings. It wasn't there, for it had been stolen. We called the police to report it and they asked me about all of this. Layer #1 we had covered. We did all of that right. Layer #2 not so much. Layers #3 and #4, not at all. And to top it all off, we only had liability insurance which of course doesn't cover theft.

The girl at the police station pretty much said "Yeah, it's probably in Mexico by now. You better find yourself a new car." Thanks for the encouragement.

So the next time any of you head to Rocky Point, if you see a white Chevy Blazer with Idaho plates rolling around, let me know.

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

Full Circle

It is getting quite difficult to change Addie. Tonight I was able to secure photographic evidence of the ordeal. It wasn't easy. It's hard enough to keep her from launching off the changing table, as you can see from my hand seen spotting her in a few of the pictures.

Right back to where we started.

Go to sleep, little baby.

Last night Col and I felt like going to a movie. It was kind of last minute, so we took Addie with us. We were hoping that if we went to a movie that started at her bedtime, she'd just sleep right through it. As always, we opted for the dollar movies. We were hoping she'd fall asleep on the drive there, but she didn't. We were then hoping she'd fall asleep in the dark, fairly quiet theater before the movie started, but she didn't.

Imagine my shock when the minute the very loud previews started, she zonked right out. She then slept through the entire movie (Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest). Good thing, too. I don't think she'd have liked that Cracken fellow.

Monday, November 20, 2006

Just married.

A friend of mine saw these cars the other day in the Cardinal stadium parking lot. The little voice on my right shoulder is appalled. The little voice on my left shoulder thinks I should go wander around the parking lot with a white grease pen.

Friday, November 17, 2006

The new Playstation 3 is to die for!

Or at least to get seriously injured for! If you're willing to get

pelted with BBs
a dislocated jaw

and THEN spend $600... by all means, knock yourself out.

Or you could save yourself the hospital bills and spend $15,000 to buy one on e-bay. Even better, you can get John Edwards to use his connections to get one for you.

So... I thought $15,000 was a lot until someone spent $44,000 for one. I'm in shock. You can buy a summer home in Idaho for that.

Thursday, November 16, 2006

I am Pam.

I never realized until today how much I have in common with Jenna Fisher's character Pam on The Office. Sure, maybe I don't live in Scranton, PA and I didn't just break up with my fiancé of 10 years, but there are definitely similarities. For example, we have the same stapler.

And everything she says about it is true.

Looks like I can only link to her myspace page, and not the actual post, so I will also post what she said about it here. You can read it on her blog of Thursday, Oct. 19.

"In other news… a new prop appeared on my desk the other day and it is REALLY AWESOME! What is it? The PaperPro One Finger stapler. You can staple a stack of up to 15 papers with just one finger! Now, I'm kind of a stapler snob. Having been a real secretary for many years I've done my share of stapling. There is nothing more frustrating than having a stapler jam when you are in the middle of a big collating project. I only like Swingline metal desk staplers. I HATE plastic staplers. I also hate hand-held staplers. So when I saw this little PaperPro number on my desk I was skeptical. I thought, "Whoa! I don't do plastic. I want my big fellow back." (That's what she said.) I think it was Brian who got me to try it. We spent 20 minutes stapling various stacks of paper. That may not seem like very long but try staying entertained for 20 minutes using the stapler on your desk. It's not easy. Anyway, this little number makes stapling fun. All hail the PaperPro!"

Well said, Pam. It will actually staple through 30 sheets if you use 2 fingers. It's fabulous.

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Choreography and karaoke go hand in hand

This video may be more entertaining for those of you who know Bryant and Aaron.

'Tis not the season yet.

My understanding is that it's generally accepted that "The Christmas Season" begins the day after Thanksgiving. The management company here at work is jumping the gun a little bit... This tree was assembled and lit up yesterday.

Merry Christmas! It's November 14.

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

I don't look like Donald Sutherland, do I?

This website has a face recognition program, where you upload a photo and then they scan through their databases to find which celebrities you look like.

When I uploaded this picture, they said I look like these celebrities:

Josie Maran
Alyson Hannigan
Jessica Alba
Jena Malone
Lynda Carter
Heather Graham
Alicia Silverstone
Sarah Michelle Gellar

Be careful which photo you choose, though, or you may have the fun experience I had. When I uploaded this photo, they told me I look like these celebrities:

Roberto Benigni
Jet Li
Sondre Lerche
Chester A. Arthur
Donald Sutherland
Jose Carreras

I think they threw Chester A. Arthur in there JUST to hurt my feelings.

To the person stealing our Arizona Republic:
Ye be warned.

For some time now, I've had to call to have the paper reissued whenever it isn't here, which lately is a few times each week. It was possible that someone was taking it in ignorance, so I've been working with our carrier and our management office to insure that this isn't the case. They've started putting our suite number on our copy, and sending threatening emails reminding the tenants that certain papers are paid subscriptions so they should keep their grubby hands off.

It's not working. Someone is still snatching it, either under the cover of darkness when the papers are still outside before the building is unlocked, or in broad daylight after they are brought inside. The management company refuses to deliver them to our actual front door, or to install any high security night vision infrared security cameras. (I don't know why - I thought it was a great idea.)

So I may have to take matters into my own hands. Maybe I'll watch this movie tonight.

Sunday, November 12, 2006

I will never get a speeding ticket again.

Just to set the record straight, I've never donated money to the Police Officers of Scottsdale Association. However, someone I work with does, and the other day when the check was picked up, they dropped off a sticker and a coffee mug, and another sticker for me - just for being the "middle man" I guess.

Now, clearly the POoSA appreciate any monetary donations. My question: Do they take it into consideration when they pull someone over and then notice this sticker on their back window? I guess we'll find out. This is the sticker on my car:

It will probably be removed as soon as Col drives it. He doesn't believe in sticking things to your car. Or in taking credit for something you didn't actually do. I really just put the sticker on so I could blog about it. Is that obsessive that sometimes I do things just so I can write about it on my blog?

Friday, November 10, 2006

Probably shouldn't quit my day job.

Awhile back when I was still great with child, some of our friends came over and brought clay and we all sculpted. I forgot all about it until it was mentioned here. I thought the figure I sculpted had been thrown away by the anti pack rat I live with, but to my surprise and joy it was still hidden out of sight in the kitchen where I'd seen it last.

As I was forming it I began to realize it was looking somewhat like the Willow Creek figurines, only not very accurate and much less well-formed. Regardless, if anyone wants this to be the Mary & baby Jesus of their Nativity scene, I would have no problem with that.

I wish I had a picture of the man-eating alligator David sculpted. Alas.

Happy 25th Anniversary Birthday!

When the company I work for had its 25th Anniversary, they ordered stickers. I wasn't yet with the company at that time, so I don't know exactly what they used them for, but I do know that they had a lot left over. I've come across full rolls of stickers stashed here and there, and at one point was asked to throw them all out. Unbeknownst to me, a very resourceful co-worker hid them away for a rainy day. Today it's my boss's birthday and it happened to be pouring out.

Does anyone else think my arm & hand look a little wierd in this picture?

A quandary.

The company I work for has 2 tickets plus parking for Sunday's Cardinals football game. In case you are worried about my eternal salvation, the quandary is not whether or not I should go to the game. I have, however, been put in charge of the tickets and was sent an email that stated:

"I will put them on your desk - distribute any way you want to - drawing, your favorite, etc."

A friend here at work said she would like them, so it was pretty cut and dry what I'd do. However, I then discovered that an email had been sent to all employees telling them to let me know if they're interested in the tickets. I have since received about 20 emails, one of which is from another good friend here at the office.

What to do, what to do....

The way I see it, I have 3 choices:

1. Use them myself

2. Have a drawing

3. Have an auction and give them to the highest bidder

*You really don't have reason to worry about my eternal salvation - #1 is a joke and #3 is at least 75% in jest

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

Addie just loves Audrey's long hair.

Borat Boycott

I didn't really know much about this Borat guy until this movie came out. Since then, I've heard him on the radio, seen previews for his movie, and heard a lot of hype. It brought in $26.4 million in the US during its opening weekend, which was a record for the limited number of screens that played it.

This morning a friend here at work told me she went to see it last night. Her review: it is by far the worst, most crude, most disgusting, and most immoral film she has ever seen. It is incredibly derogatory and disrespectful of all things American. She has never felt more uncomfortable at a movie. She said a large part of the audience walked out after 20 minutes, and that was before it got really bad.

I had thought Col and I would wait until we could see it edited on our Clearplay. She said if they try to edit it, it will end up being 2 minutes long.

If I hadn't already been convinced, this would've done the trick.

Needless to say, I'm suggesting you don't go see it.

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

Am I supposed to be surprised?

They seemed like such a happy, well-adjusted couple. Made for each other, a perfect fit. Who would've guessed it'd end so soon?

You can see the divorce papers here. Amazing what you can find online these days.

A first time for everything.

Last night I played chess with my dad and for the first time in my life, I won. That sentence is misleading.... I've won chess before. I've just never won while playing against my dad.

I give credit to 2 people. First, Col - for playing chess with me in Mexico, and providing me with the experience necessary to realize this dream. Second, Troy, for his hours of dedicated tutelage and studied patience. I guess I should also recognize and thank the chess game on Troy's Blackberry (may it rest in peace) for the hours of training it provided.

Monday, November 06, 2006

What happens at Boston Market, stays at Boston Market.

A friend of mine was in line at Boston Market and she thought she recognized the guy in line behind her. She thought about it awhile, trying to figure out where she knew him from. Finally she turned to him and said:

"I swear I know you from somewhere. How do I know you?"

He looked at her a moment, and then answered:

"I'm Charles Barkley."

Let's leave politics out of it.

The other day I had to have something delivered by courier to Jon Kyl's office. Those of you who don't live in Arizona may be unfamiliar with the name, but my assumption would be that anyone living here in the Grand Canyon state has seen the name. A lot. It is prominently displayed at every street corner on red, white and blue political banners urging you to keep Jon Kyl in office. Lately, you even hear the name on TV a lot, either in his own commercials or in his opponent, Jim Pederson's commercials. I feel like I can't escape the campaign, and I'll be glad after tomorrow when it's all said and done.

Today I realized that not everyone in Arizona is as inundated with this campaign as I am. Not everyone has seen Jon Kyl's name all about town. Some Arizonans may not have ever heard the name at all. This is the bill we received from the courier:

Ah, sweet ignorance.

Sunday, November 05, 2006

Goodbye, Saddam.

This won't be quite as touching as the tribute Bob received, even though a hanging is quite dramatic. I never had a very high opinion of Saddam.

Friday, November 03, 2006

Goodbye, Bob.

I have fond memories from when I was a kid of being awoken at the crack of dawn and heading out to the garden with my siblings to pick peas or beans. We'd fill our huge containers and then take them into the living room and claim our spot in front of the television. Then, for one glorious hour, we'd watch The Price is Right while we snapped beans and shelled peas. You may think that I'm joking and that I was miserable during this little harvest ritual. You would be wrong in that assumption. I really did think it was great fun - maybe not the waking up at 5 a.m., but The Price is Right part. That was great fun.

The many generations of Idaho children that follow me will have no such luck. They will still have to wake up while it's still dark to go work in the garden, but they will not have The Price is Right to look forward to. At least not The Price is Right that I knew. Bob Barker is throwing in the proverbial towel.

Not long ago, Col and I were actually wondering about the future of The Price is Right - would Bob be the host clear up until he died? If he retired, would the show end or would someone replace him?

This little Top Ten Things We'll Miss About Bob is a good little tribute.

From all of us Idaho bean snappers: We'll miss ya, Bob.

Thursday, November 02, 2006

Sick of being sick?

Because Adeline is a little under the weather, I took some Airborne medicine to work today. I imagine it comes in many forms, but this particular form is the kind that you drop in water and then drink once it's dissolved.

Though it does fizz quite a bit, it doesn't have the same effect as dropping a mint Mentos into a bottle of Coca Cola. However, I will tell you that if you drop an Airborne tablet into a nearly empty bottle of water and then replace the cap while it dissolves, when you open it, it will pop really loud and scare the crap out of me. I mean you. Hypothetically.

Anyone want to play horseshoes?

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

Someone's on the ball.

I received a letter addressed to Santa today in the mail at work. Luckily the little guy put a return address so I could figure out who Santa was.

Lesson learned: It's never too early to start thinking about your Christmas list.